Thursday, November 11, 2010


Sometimes you feel scared, alone, or maybe like you want you want to go hide in a corner and pout. Well, I am not honestly perfect, so I feel like that a lot. It so hard for me to live my life out regretting it. I have to live every moment without Chase, and I have not yet had a bizarre dream like my mom's. I pray every night that I do, but I just don't. My teacher always says, "The world already has horribleness, don't add any more." Not that this has anything to do with that, but it sometimes makes me feel better anyways. She is just a blessing to me and I am so lucky to have her. Sometimes people look in my locker and ask me, "who are you holding in that picture?" and I answer, "That is my brother, Chase." and they move on. They probably don't know what it is like to loose someone near them. They don't no what to say to the person with a loss, because they haven't discovered the grief of loss. And that's ok, because they can't sit there and cry with you, because they have not gone thru a loss. I accept that, they don't have any idea on what to do or say. Chase is so important to me. I would do anything to see him again as a baby. IT IS HARD. Now no, I don't know what it is like to loose a child as a mom. But it is still hard. I don't know whether to feel happy, sad, scared, or maybe even mad. It is so confusing! I know it is hard, but I have to remember one thing, to Chase My Dreams


  1. Your grief is about you, EJ, only you. How you deal with it is your choice and should not be affected by anyone else. No one knows what you've been through so they cannot understand the way you feel. Don't try to make them or expect them to. Cry with those who DO know how you feel and feel comfort from them (me). Most of all, talk to Chase, in your heart, and he will help you through your tough times. He is always here for that. I love you sweet girl. Keep blogging!

  2. P.S. I like youre new blog look! You're learnin'!

  3. Thanks mom, i love you so much and i don't know who I would be without you:) <3